Some Fun Science: How Dolphins Get High

Pufferfish will spew out a toxin when threatened that’ll paralyze or kill their enemies.

But dolphins only get stoned off it. And being dolphins, amazingly intelligent animals, they’ve learned to seek out & pass pufferfish amongst themselves, all taking hits off the bong, according to this Smithsonian article.

Money quote: “The dolphins’ expert, deliberate handling of the terrorized puffer fish, Pilley told the Daily News, implies that this is not their first time at the hallucinogenic rodeo.”

Fa loves pa, but loves getting blasted a bit more, I guess.

Me? I’ll be finishing a bottle of wine I started the other day with my dinner tonight. Flipper was not invited.

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Didn’t We Have A Revolution Over This?

I just did my taxes. Howzabout you?

I remember when I was a kid and how there’d be a day every year when my dad would come home amazingly pissed off and depressed, and my mom would simply say “You father’s home from the accountant, so you’d better behave.”

Well, I can certainly relate to that every year, but this year is EXTRA special, after being lied to basically all year long about a supposed wonderful tax cut that the majority of us were supposedly getting.

Maybe a majority are, I dunno. But not me. And I’m not exactly one of the 1% billionaire class. I didn’t even have sex with Jeff Bezos (I don’t have Amazon Prime, I’m assuming that’s one of the perks.)

I did a little better this year than last year income-wise, yes. But if you really want to compare apples to apples, put aside the entirety of the shell/con game the tax system plays with you via withholding, refunds, allowed deductions, exemptions, whether you live in a high tax state or not (like I do, BAH) and the like and simply compare how much tax you owe as a percentage of your total income.

The rates on taxable income are down, yes. But now the amount of your gross income that’s taxable is way up. That’s the bait and switch.

My actual tax rate went up by a measly half a percent. Not a huge deal, really, but don’t tell me how I’m getting a tax cut while you’re taking more money from me.

At least I’m being honest when I’d take a drink in celebration if Circe suddenly appeared and turned every one of the SOBs in Washington DC into pigs. It’d be a fitting metaphor, and pigs are cute in their own way. Bacon & baby backs are also damn tasty. And maybe Kirk Douglas would get to scream at her again.

I’d’ve written something much more graphic, violent and psychotic if I didn’t think the FBI would notice and start investigating me.

Although if the pig thing drew FBI or whoever to this blog, please click on the “Buy My Books” tab up above and go on a spree. Think of all the additional taxes you’ll collect, you corrupt thieving bastards.

Sorry Circe, no pork for dinner tonight, but I’ll drown my sorrows in treyf with a big plate of pasta calamari.

Another day, another reason to hate everybody.

What if she’d turned Odysseus’ men into squids? And then they grew giant and attacked other sailors Jules Verne style? Kirk coulda fought them as well, all you have to do it meld those two movies together. And then, perhaps, some of the squid face an unfair court martial… let’s combine EVERY KIRK DOUGLAS MOVIE INTO ONE….

Better not. The taxes on it would be unbearable.

Have A Healthy Day, Jack!

So I’m at the grocery store on the way home, loading up on a few items, grabbing some ginormous shrimp for dinner and the like.

I get into the checkout line and in front of me is some kid who works at the store, cashing out a couple of snacks. It must be break time.

Then the other kid starts to ring me up, and goes “Oh, how’d that happen? It’s giving you his employee discount.”

So I say “Does that mean I have to grab a uniform and start stocking shelves?”

The kid smiles, and I regale him with stories of my brief days working at a supermarket as Jimmy the Bagboy™ for minimum wage many years ago. He finishes ringing me up & bags my stuff and hands me the receipt. “I couldn’t reset it, whatever!”

Oh YEAH! At the bottom of my receipt reads “Team Member Discount -6.49 Have a Healthy Day, Jack!”

So thanks for that six and a half buck discount of my bill, Jack. I hope you have a healthy day as well.

Oh wait, it WAS too good to be true. A customer had an allergic reaction to some guacamole they were giving samples of, and the bathroom is an ungodly mess. They’re handing me a mop and bucket. The hazmat suit is extra, and I’m not giving back that $6.49. Well, here goes…

Why Is Ben Watson Spamming Me?

Every day for the past several weeks in my inbox or spam folder…. another email or two from “Ben Watson.”

Ben Watson wants me to claim my $1500 Wal-Mart award. Ben Watson has reviewed my job application and I should click on the link. Ben Watson warns me it’s my last chance to claim my Amazon reward.

And yes, Ben Watson wants me to click on the link for discount Viagra. And I thought Google was datamining and spying on me. Who knew former Patriots tight end Ben Watson was behind it all?

I always liked him as a player on the Pats, who let him go as a free agent once they knew they had Gronk in the offing, I guess. He went to the Browns, the Saints, the Ravens and then back to the Saints again before announcing his retirement a few weeks back.

And when he does stuff like publicly call out Roger Goodell over the dumbfounding non-call in the NFC championship game, I like him even more, since as any good Patriot fan will tell ya, Goodell SUCKS.

BUT WHY ARE YOU SPAMMING MY INBOX, BEN????

Unless you actually ARE simultaneously running rewards programs for Amazon, Target and Wal-Mart WHILE examining resumés on LinkedIn AND selling Viagra AND Bosley hair treatments AND working for assorted banks I don’t have accounts with yet need me to click links to check on fraud…. no matter what sort of obvious email spam you could think of, I’ve gotten one in the last few weeks from “Ben Watson” as the return address. You’d think these idiots would be more creative than that… or else it really IS YOU Ben Watson, sending me all these things!

No wonder you needed to retire from the NFL. You’re just too damned busy.

Hmm…. unless I’m wrong, and it’s this guy who is actually spamming me.

Might just be…. I really don’t follow Premier League or care about soccer in general. He must be trying to get my attention.

I think I’ll go on playing hard to get.

A New Design

After many, many years of the original look of this blog, I decided upon an overhaul.

Well, I think it looks nicer. Mike & Carol Brady also think it looks nicer.

And according to this theory, you probably wouldn’t want to mess with them.

Enjoy the easier-to-read format, and I’m also thinking the search features are easier to spot & use.

I Hear Ya, Cat. I Hear Ya.

I have the same reaction whenever I see photos of myself.

Not sure if I eat theraputic tuna afterwards to feel better, though. That’s probably where this cat & I part ways.

 

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