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Another Triumph Of Our Educational System August 8, 2010

Posted by Jim Berkin in General.
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So today I’m restocking on cat food at a nearby Petco.

I want to use a coupon good for $3 off larger bags of a specific dry cat food. The kind I want is on sale in a 5 lb. 14 oz bag.

The clerk says: “You can’t use this coupon, it’s for 40-47 ounce sizes only.”

I say “Well, this bag is twice that size and it’s the same brand, is that okay?”

The clerk looks at the bag and says: “No, it says it’s only 14 ounces.”

I say “No, 5 pounds and 14 ounces. That makes it more than 47 ounces.”

The clerk says “The coupon is only for the bigger bags.”

I say “Five pounds 14 ounces makes 94 ounces, it’s twice the size of the bags in the coupon.”

And then the math skills of this f-ing douchetard became all the more clear. The clerk says “No, this says 40-47 ounces. That means it’s for those really big 30 pound bags.”

30 pounds = 40 -47 ounces! It’s the NEW MATH! Hey, hear that, Rosie O’Donnell and Ron Jeremy? Hire this kid as your nutritionist & go ahead and eat five more pizzas.

I realize what I’m dealing with, and try to explain “There are 16 ounces in a pound, so 5 pounds means 5 times 16 or 80 ounces, plus the 14.” He looks at me blankly so I repeat “There are 16 ounces in a pound.”

And the clerk says “Well, that’s what you say.”

Yeah, it’s what I say. I invented all systems of weights & measures.

So, instead of doing the right thing for the future of humankind and TWISTING HIS STUPID GOD DAMN EMPTY HEAD OFF, I ask for the manager, who accepts the coupon and gives me my precious $3 off.

The dogs in the store smelling each other’s nutsacks have IQ points on this kid.

Now I’m thinking I should’ve told him there are 4 nickels to a dollar to get an even bigger discount next time. Christ.

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