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Everything Sucks & I Hate Everything (Okay, except for cats) September 7, 2008

Posted by Jim Berkin in Football.
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Yeah, I know – there a lot worse things in life than the franchise quarterback of your favorite team going down for the season with an ACL/knee injury five minutes into the opening game.

For example, perhaps a cluster of tumors could sprout on my wang and keep me awake all night with their snoring.

Maybe I could be abducted by aliens and forced to breed with lab specimens they developed by gene splicing Rosie O’Donnell and Ann Coulter, with the face of Bill Maher.

Maybe my non-stop flatulence could magically turn to shards of glass on its way out.

Oh, there are ENDLESS possibilities!

Well, since there are actual serious possible rotten things out there that could mess my life up, I guess I should count my blessings and be thankful it’s only an injury to my favorite team. The Patriots are still a good team, and whether it’s Matt Cassell or Chris Sims or Vinnie Testaverde or maybe George Blanda is available…. aw CRAP!

But maybe they can still go 9-7?

Please?

WAIT!!! I don’t have to be angry or depressed! LET’S HAVE SOME SUNSHINE!!!!

I still enjoy watching the sport itself, after all. I can enjoy watching other games, and this time I can do it without the emotional roller-coaster. YEAH!!!! GO WITH THAT!!!! I should try to be totally emotionally detached!!! Just like with women!

Who am I kidding? Just like with all of humanity!

GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT

It’s like waiting months and months for winter to end so you can enjoy the sunny outdoors only to discover it’s going to rain moose urine until 2009.

BAH

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