Which means I have zilch these past few days, since I’m stuck with some lousy bug that is costing me my voice – Oh NO! Someone alert Carol Gilligan! Oh wait, I have a schvantz (yeah, it’s around there somewhere, give me a minute) so continuing with my dick joke metaphor, somebody alert Rich Little!
No, not Dick Little, Rich Little… since he has so many voices? Get it?
No, I only have one shlong. Oh, forget it.
I’m SICK! Gimme a break.
Does being sick cause shrinkage? Was that the idea with the Dick Little bit?
Oh never mind.
I’ve gone through at least a gallon of cranberry juice in the past two days, as well as a ton of chicken soup, and I stayed home from work one day and pretty much napped the entire day, only interrupted by the TV on in the background, which became an odd amalgamation of Teddy Kennedy’s yellin’ endorsement of Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton’s cackle when asked if she’d shut her husband up, and parts of a Tales From The Darkside mini-marathon they were running on SciFi when I was awake enough to punch the remote away from cable news.
Guess which one gave me nightmares.